Review: The Tower of the Swallow

The Tower of the Swallow by Andrzej Sapkowski
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The Witcher series does a lot of things right and a lot of things wrong. I think this book highlights those traits more than any of the previous volumes. It has a talent for colorful characters and details to cue points of the story. This book in particular is told non-linearly, so those cues become extremely important. But it also bogs the reader down in other details that are nonsensical. There is a point in the story were Geralt meets an elven mage, Avallac'h. They discuss several things involving the surrounding lore of the plot that is very important. Avallac'h also drones on about elvish menstruation and how sex becomes boring after you live over a hundred years. The latter being unlikely.

The writing is just a mixed bag of interesting and not interesting. Ebbs and flows of some times an extreme nature. Being one of the latter books, it holds up better than some of the earlier texts. With the story maintaining more focus simply because it has to do so as it builds towards its conclusion. This volume's largest problem being that we don't see much of an evolution in the writing but instead just more of the story.

I would say the actual written prose are about average. The fight scenes are highly technical to the point you lose some of the emotional impact. The fight at the end though might be its most well written in the series. The dialogue has enough color in it to be interesting but the dives into lore and politics are mostly a matter of taste. Earlier reviews praise the characters and this one will be no exception. Particularly in this volume with Vilgefortz as he emerges as the series' chief villain.

I have been enjoying the books for the most part, it just drags in surprising spots. Maybe its a matter of translation or culture, but I can't help but feel this should have been in the hands of a better editor. A diamond doesn't shine as bright if it remains uncut.

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Review: How To: Absurd Scientific Advice for Common Real-World Problems

How To: Absurd Scientific Advice for Common Real-World Problems by Randall Munroe
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The amount of energy it takes to power a heat pump capable of freezing the Kansas River at Topeka is 87 gigawatts. This little factoid stood out to me. One, because it's utterly ridiculous, but also because I think it fully encapsulates what you'll find in this book. Facts framed by the ludicrous. Trying to be smart and funny at the same time. Being successful 93.7% of the time.

Before reading this book, ask yourself one question: Am I a uber nerd? Your enjoyment of this book will largely revolve around the answer to that question. There are plenty of jokes and facts in this novel, but you'll only find it funny or useful if you have a slightly obscure taste. For shits and giggles, Earth's gravity is a downward acceleration at the speed of 9.807 m/s squared. Fun fact, but not particularly useful in day-to-day life unless your job is launching stuff into orbit. Thus your desire typically must be to know this kind of thing just for the sake of knowing it. The humor is also of a similar flair of ridiculous scenarios that are simply ridiculous just because it's funny that way.

There's a section of the book that compares the size of redwood trees to the Saturn 5 rocket. Then, pretty much organically, leads into a scenario of what would happen if you attached a couple of booster rockets to the side and tried to launch the tree into orbit. If this is your brand of humor, then this book should be at the top of your list.

Did I find it funny? Absofuckinglutely.

The writing is strong. Everything is put together nicely. Not terribly long or useful. By the end, you'll probably not learn "How To" do anything. But it's funny and interesting. A book that gets by almost entirely by charm and head of knowledge. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, even if all the facts I learned are pretty useless for an amateur critic.

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Review: A Memory Called Empire

A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Bloated and boring. That's what I felt throughout reading this book. It is possible I just wasn't in the mood. Future people, just look at the date of when this review was posted and you'll understand if were awake in history class. Regardless, I didn't care much for Memory or its empire. I didn't 'hate' this book. Hating it would require that it made me feel something. Everything was just grey and drab. It felt as if someone tried to rewrite Dune but left out every nuance that made it a masterpiece.

When I don't care much for a book, it's normally because of bad pacing or nothing happens. This isn't the case. In fact, I would defend it by stating it has excellent pacing. I would even state it's a cool story with cool ideas. It's just told in an insanely boring way. The prose are uninspired and I would need a nuclear reactor to generate any kind of feeling for the characters. I kept squeezing this stone for some blood but got nothing out of it.

There are some books out there I would fault people if they liked it. You know who you are. But this isn't one of them. My opinion of this book is a weird mix of knowing it's far from garbage but also wanting to cut myself while reading it just to feel something. You might like it. Which is good, because we need something to like from time to time.

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Review: Baptism of Fire

Baptism of Fire by Andrzej Sapkowski
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Despite the title, there is very little baptizing and/or fire in this book. Not that I took the name literally, there was still little going on. I'm not even referring to action, but more to plot progression. It's far more walking around until they need to sit behind the bushes for an exposition dump. It's characters and world still manage to keep it afloat, but barely. If I wasn't already committed to completing the series, this one might have made me come to a stop.

I don't have much to say about it as the book didn't seem to have much to do. Mostly all I can do is give some examples. Like when Regis spends the first half of the last chapter going over, in great detail, how humans stereotype vampires. Even using terms like 'circadian rhythm' even though this is supposed to be a middle-ages fantasy book. There is also a meeting of sorceresses that discusses Ciri's family tree and why she is one of 'elder blood'. While going deeper into her lore was needed to some degree, most of it was world-building trans fat.

The interactions between Regis and Geralt were by far the best parts of the book. It's a cool idea, pitting Geralt against his resolve to slay monsters, but nothing really happens plot-wise because of it. Geralt just mopes around in a foul mood while side characters tell him to let it be. This is me literally summing up the best part of the novel.

I already made it this far into the series, so I might as well finish. There was a moment in the book that seems to be laying the groundwork for the last two books, but there was just too much nothingness to make me feel excited about it. The series has great lively characters but doesn't give them anything to do. Except for walking about and talk like its a TV show with a low budget.

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Review: Magician

Magician by Raymond E. Feist
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This one gets off to a slow start. Just want to get that out there. It's so trope and familiar that I was about to get out my fantasy novel bingo card. Then aliens invade and we meet a band of pirates. What starts off as a fairly conventional book subtly turns into a grand adventure. To be honest, I was just about to give up on the tome before I slowly started to like it. It might even be a good book to relax with on a beach if it's length wouldn't make you die of skin cancer.

The novel has strong detailed prose, likable characters, and a plot with just enough intrigue to keep you invested. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, he's about to point out what's wrong with it. And you'd be right. Magician, and the writing of Feist in general, just isn't very deep. It's well put together and everything, but don't expect to walk away with your life changed. The book is enjoyable and I dare say even made me content with the universe. Not everything has to make you think, it would just be nice if it did.

Side note for people who live on different sides of the Atlantic. In 'Merica, the book is split into two volumes while the limy side of the pond has the book kept whole. I read the complete version. Surely you're asking, can you read just one volume? Technically yes. The first book ends on a good spot to take a break but hardly leaves you with a sense of resolve. And the second book begins in a completely different place with a bit of a time skip but also ends on such a note that Feist could have died the day after completing it and everyone would have been fine with it. There's enough leftover for more books, and you should know at this point there are more, but you can read this complete tome and walk away happy.

As I said before, the book isn't very deep. So it prevents me from really going into detail about how I feel about it. There's just not a great deal to say about beyond it's enjoyable. Pretty much anyone can sit down with this book and find at least some contentment from its words. However, its gift is also its curse. Magician is non-threatening. It will never bite you with its ideas because it has no teeth.

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Review: The Time of Contempt

The Time of Contempt by Andrzej Sapkowski
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Normally I consider comparing two different books to be unfair. As if one piece of work can't be considered valid without another. However, in a series, it's hard not to. Nay, impossible even. Especially when a series continues to insists on being one long story split up into separate volumes. leaving me with the simple review that it's gradually better than the first one as the stakes increase.

The book begins with a fairly large exposition dump, which is never a good sign. It continues the same narrative from before of inconsistent pacing and seemingly random danger. However, the book gets much better in its second half as the war ramps up and things that matter actually happen. It still suffers from the main characters being told about what's happening, but the book does a better job of telling the reader this by giving us the perspective instead of a current affairs exposition dump.

The plot isn't strongly multi-layered, which might be good or bad depending on your preferences. The characters are strong and well-told, but they aren't really given anything to do beyond servicing the main plot. Even the main character, Geralt, straight up disappears when the plot doesn't need him. This can be good if you are just wanting a singular story without any subplots, but bad if you want a more well-rounded story with characters you can attach yourself to.

The book, as the others in the series, remains strong in its prose despite its structural problems. An entertaining fantasy series that doesn't spend twenty pages describing a sunset. The lore is also rather rich even though and this volume, in particular, draws more from creativity and not old fairy tales. I'm already in this far, so I might as well finish it.

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Review: This Is How You Lose the Time War

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I'll try not to be negative over a book I actually enjoyed. There are issues to be had of course. Stylistic choices to be argued, a plot that needs to be flogged, and a length that is fully undeserved. I'll get to that. I know I'm saying this at the top, but the bottom line is that you might not enjoy this book. I hate saying 'it's not for me/you' because good is good no matter who in the hell it was meant for. But I just wanted to say, at the front, that this is my opinion and not yours. Your level of enjoyment is yours and yours alone. Otherwise, stay out it.

To get my joyful noises out of the way first, the prose is insanely good. It can be vague and batshit crazy at times, but that doesn't get in the way of it being good. I really felt for the two characters despite not knowing that much about them. It's the evolution of their interactions that sell the story. Everything else is just a framing device.

I went into this with the impression it was just going to be a series of letters back and forth between enemies. When I saw how short the book is, I felt it confirmed my preconception. To my surprise, there is prose in this book. I understand that writing a book strictly to that concept would have been a daunting task, but life's too short not to fully commit to crazy ideas. While the book is satisfying in its own right, I felt the end product could have been more expansive. There doesn't need to be fifty megatons of world-building like a tome of high fantasy. It's just that everything that happens outside the letters feels like background noise. It's there, but it doesn't matter.

The plot. There isn't one. Well, technically there is, but it's just there to create the reasoning and conflict. As with the theme of this review, the plot doesn't really matter. It's like when a cable repair guy shows up at the beginning of a porno. His ability to fix the cable, or even the state of the cable itself, isn't anyone's concern. It's just the reason why everyone is there. The real story is strictly between Red and Blue.

All that being said, I enjoyed this book. It's well written and non-traditional, which are two things that spark my pretentious flint. My points of critique simply come from an area of respecting art. While I always have venom for garbage and cookie-cut commercialization, I hold art under the strictest banner. And this book is definitely a work of art.

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